How not to get girls into your club: a memoir and partial esprit d'escalier

[dejadrew]

(SCENE: a science fiction and comic book expo a couple years back. A smiling recruiter working the table for a local club devoted to geeky interests accosts a group of three female cosplayers.)

Geek Recruiter: Hi, ladies! Would you like to join the Gaming Club? It's a great way to meet men!*

Nerd Girls: ...

Geek Recruiter: What?

Nerd Girl A: Um, you HAVE noticed that we're all at a COMIC BOOK CONVENTION, right?

Nerd Girl B: Cosplaying as X-men characters?

Nerd Girl C: I'm dressed as Rogue, for God's sake.

Nerd Girl A: Plus, we all happen to be members of the university anime club. I think we already know how to meet nerdy men.

Nerd Girl C: Believe me, quantity is not an issue.

Nerd Girl B: Regular bathing is, though. Where do you guys stand on that?

Geek Recruiter: Hey, we've gotten a LOT BETTER about the bathing...**

Nerd Girl A: Plus, by using that as your main selling point, instead of, you know, gaming, you're basically implying that you think the main reason we'd want to join a gaming club is to hunt for husbands.

Nerd Girl B: Which is dumb. I play Dungeons and Dragons every week!

Nerd Girl C: I'm her DM!

Nerd Girl A: And my Forsaken Rogue in World of Warcraft just dinged 70.

Nerd Girl B: Ooh, grats.

Nerd Girl A: Thanks.

Nerd Girl C: What server are you on?

Nerd Girl A: Bladefist. But we digress.

Nerd Girl B: Anyway, why should we want to join if you're less interested in our gaming habits than in having us provide your current members with girlfriends?

Nerd Girl A: Plus, I'm pretty sure at least one of us is a lesbian...

Nerd Girl B: I am!

Nerd Girl C: Right, she is. And I already have a boyfriend.

Nerd Girl A: So for two out of three of us, "meeting men" ISN'T EVEN A SELLING POINT.

Geek Recruiter: Oh. Um, so do YOU...

Nerd Girl A: No.

Nerd Girl C: Finally, by telling us that your club is "a great way to meet men," you are basically saying "so far, not a single other woman has wanted to join our club."

Nerd Girls A, B, & C: WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!

Nerd Girl A: Red alert!

Nerd Girl B: A-OOOO-GAH!

Nerd Girl C: Danger, Wilhemina Robinson! Danger!

Nerd Girl A: Presumably, all those other women knew something we don't.

Nerd Girl C: Or, you know, exactly what we already DO.

Nerd Girl B: So we'll be declining your generous invitation, thanks.

Geek Recruiter: Oh. Um. Okay, then...

Nerd Girl B: Come on, let's get back to the dealers' room before that Doctor Who action figure sells out.

Nerd Girl C: Sure, but let's try to avoid the Star Trek props display this time or our Wolverine will just start waffling endlessly over the phasers again.

Nerd Girl A: I want a phaser. Should I buy a phaser? I don't really need a phaser, but OH GOD I NEED A PHASER.***

_______________________________________________
*Yes, he actually said this.
**AND THIS. Merciful heavens.
***I did not buy the phaser. I should have bought the phaser. I can't really afford the phaser, but OH GOD WHY DIDN'T I BUY THE PHASER?

Comments

[dejadrew.livejournal.com]

Heh. I'm glad. This particular con is coming up again, so that guy and the stuff we said and wished we'd said to him was on my mind. (My sister and my best friend and I are going together this time, and we're all gonna be Dead Star Trek Red Shirts. I'm going to be Ensign Mauled, they're gonna be Ensign Scorched and Ensign Shot. It is going to be EPIC.)