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A follow up to the previous rant that felt like a separate post. Tips for accepting critique. This is how I approach the process, anyway, and I feel like it helps. Note, this is only for dealing with feedback and critique that you specifically asked for. If somebody is showing up and picking your work apart without an invitation, to heck with them.
BEFORE THE CRIT
1. Only submit a story for fixing if you actually think it might be broken, and you can't fix it yourself.
This ties directly into the previous rant. If you already believe this story is complete and perfected to your satisfaction, then skip critiquing. And if there's a problem you already spotted and already know how to fix, ideally fix that first so your critiquer doesn't waste time pointing out issues that are already gone in the next draft.
2. Prepare some questions in advance about issues that worry you, but don't ask them in advance.
Sometimes there are problems you can see for yourself but you DON'T know how to fix them. Or you can't be sure if they're problems or not. What I do is, before I go to meet my critique buddies and hear what they have to say, I make a list of three questions I have about the draft. Things that are worrying me, like, is this character annoying? Does this story start in the right place? Is this line of dialogue cheesy? Whatever.
Now, I do NOT give these questions to the critiquers until AFTER they've read it and AFTER they've given me their own thoughts and opinions. If I give them the questions before they read the story, or before they give their advice, then they'll be focused on answering those questions, consciously or unconsciously, and I won't be getting their genuine natural response to the work. They might miss a different problem, or be swayed by my neuroses to consider something a problem which actually wouldn't have bothered them if I hadn't pointed it out.
But having those questions ready so I can spring them on them at the end is useful. I probably DO have specific concerns or fears, so getting specific advice is helpful to settle them. Looking for specific problems I'd like help addressing helps me look at my draft in a troubleshooting frame of mind. And the fact that I am looking for and seeing problems myself keeps me from getting defensive. "OH NO THERE ARE THINGS IN MY STORY WHICH THEY DO NOT LIKE" "Well yes anxiety brain there are things in this story which I also do not like that is why we are here what's your point"
DURING THE CRIT
3. Listen.
You're here for a reason and that reason is to find out what impact your work has on a reader and what adjustments you might need to make based on that information. You can't do any of that if you don't pay attention. Take notes. Write down things that they said which sound particularly useful/interesting/surprising. Scribble, doodle, and underline things on a copy of the manuscript. Think of more questions based on what they tell you and add them to your list of questions to ask at the end.
4. Nod and Smile and don't argue.
I am not saying agree. I am not saying everything your critiquer says is right. I am not saying you should do everything they tell you. But arguing with them is counterproductive and rude. You wanted their feedback. You are getting their feedback. Even if you think they are completely wrong about what your story needs, they are giving you important data. They are telling you ways and places in which your story did not work for THEM. That tells you something. They may be wrong about how to fix it, but they are still telling you things about your story which you can use. Arguing cuts you off from that flow of information and it's rude to someone who is doing you a service which you specifically asked them to perform.
5. Ask your questions
Again, wait until after the critiquer has had the chance to give their own opinions. You might be able to cross off a few questions that you prepared in advance if they address it without your input (that also tells you something. If you saw a problem but they didn't, it might not be as big a problem as you feared. Conversely, if you and the critiquer both saw the same issue, then your instincts were right and it definitely needs addressing.) Sometimes if they found a problem, I think of a couple ways I could fix it and sound them out as to whether those solutions sound like they might work.
AFTER THE CRIT
6. Say thank you.
You asked for help and they tried to help you. Whether you found their specific advice useful or not, they stepped up for you. Thank them!
7. Let it sink in and do NOT touch the manuscript right away!
Give yourself a few days to ponder what you've learned. Did something they said ring true? Why? Did something they said seem completely wrong and off base? Why? That last one is still helpful. If you know they're completely wrong about something, then that means that you know on some level what the right answer is. Just process for a while, sifting through what was said and thinking about ways you can use what you've learned to make your story better.
8. Apply SOME of their advice (probably not all, probably not none)
Once you've sorted through what they've told you, sit down and start making changes that make sense to you. Your critique partner almost certainly is not completely right about what you need to do. But they almost certainly told you SOMETHING about your story that you didn't already know, one way or another. And you can find a use for it.
9. No harm in trying
No draft has to be forever, you know. You can always go back to an earlier draft if a particular change doesn't work. Save the current draft under a new name (draft 2_03 the version with the home invasion) and then TRY things. Did your critiquer suggest something drastic and scary but you wonder if maybe they have a point? There's a way to find out! And it won't kill you OR your story. Save a separate draft, as if you were saving your game before a big nasty boss fight. Then try the strat. Cut a thousand words. Add a scene. Remove a character. Then if it didn't work, reload and try something else. Even something that doesn't work might teach you what you need to do instead.
And that's roughly it. A critique is an information gathering process to get the data you need to help you make a weak story stronger. Go into it with that mindset firmly in place. Absorb as much of that information as you can so that you can use it as you deem fit.
BEFORE THE CRIT
1. Only submit a story for fixing if you actually think it might be broken, and you can't fix it yourself.
This ties directly into the previous rant. If you already believe this story is complete and perfected to your satisfaction, then skip critiquing. And if there's a problem you already spotted and already know how to fix, ideally fix that first so your critiquer doesn't waste time pointing out issues that are already gone in the next draft.
2. Prepare some questions in advance about issues that worry you, but don't ask them in advance.
Sometimes there are problems you can see for yourself but you DON'T know how to fix them. Or you can't be sure if they're problems or not. What I do is, before I go to meet my critique buddies and hear what they have to say, I make a list of three questions I have about the draft. Things that are worrying me, like, is this character annoying? Does this story start in the right place? Is this line of dialogue cheesy? Whatever.
Now, I do NOT give these questions to the critiquers until AFTER they've read it and AFTER they've given me their own thoughts and opinions. If I give them the questions before they read the story, or before they give their advice, then they'll be focused on answering those questions, consciously or unconsciously, and I won't be getting their genuine natural response to the work. They might miss a different problem, or be swayed by my neuroses to consider something a problem which actually wouldn't have bothered them if I hadn't pointed it out.
But having those questions ready so I can spring them on them at the end is useful. I probably DO have specific concerns or fears, so getting specific advice is helpful to settle them. Looking for specific problems I'd like help addressing helps me look at my draft in a troubleshooting frame of mind. And the fact that I am looking for and seeing problems myself keeps me from getting defensive. "OH NO THERE ARE THINGS IN MY STORY WHICH THEY DO NOT LIKE" "Well yes anxiety brain there are things in this story which I also do not like that is why we are here what's your point"
DURING THE CRIT
3. Listen.
You're here for a reason and that reason is to find out what impact your work has on a reader and what adjustments you might need to make based on that information. You can't do any of that if you don't pay attention. Take notes. Write down things that they said which sound particularly useful/interesting/surprising. Scribble, doodle, and underline things on a copy of the manuscript. Think of more questions based on what they tell you and add them to your list of questions to ask at the end.
4. Nod and Smile and don't argue.
I am not saying agree. I am not saying everything your critiquer says is right. I am not saying you should do everything they tell you. But arguing with them is counterproductive and rude. You wanted their feedback. You are getting their feedback. Even if you think they are completely wrong about what your story needs, they are giving you important data. They are telling you ways and places in which your story did not work for THEM. That tells you something. They may be wrong about how to fix it, but they are still telling you things about your story which you can use. Arguing cuts you off from that flow of information and it's rude to someone who is doing you a service which you specifically asked them to perform.
5. Ask your questions
Again, wait until after the critiquer has had the chance to give their own opinions. You might be able to cross off a few questions that you prepared in advance if they address it without your input (that also tells you something. If you saw a problem but they didn't, it might not be as big a problem as you feared. Conversely, if you and the critiquer both saw the same issue, then your instincts were right and it definitely needs addressing.) Sometimes if they found a problem, I think of a couple ways I could fix it and sound them out as to whether those solutions sound like they might work.
AFTER THE CRIT
6. Say thank you.
You asked for help and they tried to help you. Whether you found their specific advice useful or not, they stepped up for you. Thank them!
7. Let it sink in and do NOT touch the manuscript right away!
Give yourself a few days to ponder what you've learned. Did something they said ring true? Why? Did something they said seem completely wrong and off base? Why? That last one is still helpful. If you know they're completely wrong about something, then that means that you know on some level what the right answer is. Just process for a while, sifting through what was said and thinking about ways you can use what you've learned to make your story better.
8. Apply SOME of their advice (probably not all, probably not none)
Once you've sorted through what they've told you, sit down and start making changes that make sense to you. Your critique partner almost certainly is not completely right about what you need to do. But they almost certainly told you SOMETHING about your story that you didn't already know, one way or another. And you can find a use for it.
9. No harm in trying
No draft has to be forever, you know. You can always go back to an earlier draft if a particular change doesn't work. Save the current draft under a new name (draft 2_03 the version with the home invasion) and then TRY things. Did your critiquer suggest something drastic and scary but you wonder if maybe they have a point? There's a way to find out! And it won't kill you OR your story. Save a separate draft, as if you were saving your game before a big nasty boss fight. Then try the strat. Cut a thousand words. Add a scene. Remove a character. Then if it didn't work, reload and try something else. Even something that doesn't work might teach you what you need to do instead.
And that's roughly it. A critique is an information gathering process to get the data you need to help you make a weak story stronger. Go into it with that mindset firmly in place. Absorb as much of that information as you can so that you can use it as you deem fit.
